Deadbeat Games

Posted by on Apr 6, 2020 in Parent Shit
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At some point I have to stop believing people will actually follow thru, and actions will match their words. People primarily meaning my daughters sperm donor. It’s sucks when you can’t trust the words/promises of the person you created life with. Not for yourself, but for the child. Sure lie to yourself, your family/friends, whoever the hell you want to, but not to me about MY child. 

I can admit I was, am, hurt about how things played out. Initially I was hurt, now I don’t care. I was hurt, not because I had some grand visions of living happily ever after, but because I made it so easy for him to be in her life. After living with us and him fuckin that up, I kept extending a hand. Really just trying to show him, like hey we didn’t work, but be a dad. I would literally ask him, “what can I do to make it easier for you to be her dad.” Like this is a grown ass man, all I should have to do is peacefully coparent, but I was offering to go out of my way for him to give her all he can, all he can afford right now, which is TIME. That obviously backfired, because he decided to go MIA and villainize me to anyone who didn’t actually know us and the situation. Whatever. 

Fast forward to him randomly reaching out. Once after her birthday to ask for money and confide in my about how “horrible” his life is, completely neglecting her birthday, and most recently about a week ago. Both times, setting up days/times to see her, not following thru, and going MIA. Each time, his conversation was more focused on him and him getting what he needs/whats. I definitely feel confident in my decision to end it, because obviously he still doesn’t give a shit about his daughter. You shouldn’t be bargaining with me, when it comes to seeing your child. The child you’ve neglected to see for over a year, and no longer recognizes you. The child who just found a picture of you, and asked me who you were. A person who was really trying to make amends, would just show tf up. Unfortunately, not my daughters donor. In the middle of a world crisis, pandemic, you manage to find time to call your BM to lie to your child .. because that’s what’s important in the midst of everything going on. 

I’m completely done trying to understand him or make excuses. How are you man enough, mature enough to get married, but you can’t be a father to your child. That baffles me. How is it okay to call and disrupt our life with your lies and empty promises. I’m glad that my daughter doesn’t recognize him, but also that she’s too young to understand the many broken promises he’s made to her. 

I’ve decided to stop letting him call. IF, he calls again, I most definitely won’t be passing her the phone, and instead will be inquiring about his intentions. Especially, because his intentions doesn’t seem to be stepping up and being a dad. Especially because we live in the same city, and there is no reason he should be comfortable FaceTiming the daughter he hasn’t seen in over a year, because he clearly doesn’t want to. So what possible reason could he have for basically, playing on my phone. None, that’ll suffice, and I’m not going to let a random face on the phone tell my daughter that’s her father. I doubt I’ll get answers, and idc enough to ask them anymore. My only goal is to protect my daughter, and if I have to protect her from him until he decides (if ever he decides) he’s ready to put action behind his words, so be it.

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