I remember when my Sunday’s consisted of me getting fucked up, and second guessing if I was going to work the following day. Those were the days lol. Now my Sunday consists of me attempting to sleep and motivate myself for the work week, which I can’t do with a rambunctious 20 month old.
I don’t regret my decision to be a mom. Sometimes it’s just so exhausting and I hate everyone. Like, I guess that’s one of the things I do miss about my daughters father being around. Not having to do this alone, being able to sleep or cook or shower or bathe with no interruptions. Having someone to split the responsibility with. God knows he was no fuckin use financially, but he loved playing and spending time with his daughter. Or he was a good actor, since he hasn’t seen her in almost 7 months, how much could he have loved their time together? Who tf knows.
He’s MIA and the victim around town from what I hear. His grandma reaches out daily to “ask” about Kennedy, but that’s about it. Doesn’t ask to see her, if she needs anything, or anything. Of course my daughter doesn’t need shit from anyone, I got this, but it’s the principle of it all. I don’t want to keep her away because I guess in her own way she’s “trying,” but she was a mom of 4 boys, and knows how this goes. In between her marriages, she was single, so it’s just kind annoying that she doesn’t do shit basically. It makes it difficult for me to even want to communicate with her, because it’s pointless. I never knew my dads side, and it always hurt me, so I’m trying not to do that to her. But honestly, they’re all capable adults, who if they gave 2 fucks and really wanted to be there, would reach out. Everyone has social media. There’s a way to reach someone, if you want to.
I’m just tired, and sometimes want a break. I know I won’t be getting one, and per usual I’ll get over it. Sometimes it just sucks more than others.