Dating seems like an impossible faraway goal I’ll never be able to accomplish. I’m sure being a single mother probably limits my dating pool, some guys don’t want to play stepdad, that’s understandable. I also live in San Diego, and it’s kind of difficult to find what I want in the opposite sex, who also happens to be black. Don’t get me wrong, I know black couples, but they usually started dating when I was in HS or our early 20s when I feel like there was still a nice picking pool. They probably also have friends with friends who know single men blah blah, so that helps.
I didn’t date much when I was younger. The few serious relationships I had, we had already known each other and just took the relationship further. Essentially, skipping the dating phase and moving straight to living together/etc. As an adult I can completely see how that screwed me up and helped set unrealistic standards, because I’m now super like lost/confused.
I’ve did online. Well I’ve made profiles, etc, but I never really invest in the people on there. The few that I have, were just like people I’d met in real life and didn’t want what I wanted. The other thing is how difficult it seems to connect. I guess because I’m looking for that instant lust, that I previously had, which isn’t healthy and probably why none of those relationships worked out anyways. Because it wasn’t built off anything organic, but lust coupled with jealous fighting etc.
As I’ve gotten older and a bit more knowledgeable, I want more from a man. I want stability, loyalty, someone with a consistent income. I just want what I know that I can bring to the table, but whether it’s online or in person, I still get the same people approaching me that did when I was younger. I’m unsure if it’s some type of vibes I’m emitting, or I’m just not open to the unknown aka new different men, but it’s exhausting and kind of disheartening if I can be honest.
I know it’ll happen when it happens, according to everyone in a relationship (yeah sure 🙄) lol but it still sucks. I’m not even saying I want to marry the next man who shows me attention, but it would be nice to go on dates and feel like a woman again, not just like Kennedy’s mom. Who knows, just some thoughts this here Sunday.