The Internal Glow Up

Posted by on Aug 13, 2019 in Random Thoughts
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People act like you aren’t supposed to change.  Men, “boys”, be so upset when you raise your standards/expectations, and friends disappear when you no longer put up with the half ass effort their”friendship” comes with. 

I always hear from guys I use to deal with that I’ve changed, I’m acting funny now, or like I’m too good. When truth be told, I was always too good for them, I was just trying to be accepted and loved. And when I told my ex I was too good for him, he thought I was saying it to be “snooty” or an asshole. Like no, I’m not too good for you because of superficial shit. I’m too good for you because I’m honest and genuine. Because I care about people other then myself, because there have been countless times I’ve made sure “my man” had, while I went without. 

I thought I had already whittled down my friend circle enough before i turned 30, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I have no problems networking in a group setting, or being the life of the party, but I much prefer smaller groups of intimacy where I’m free to be me and can build those interpersonal connections. Within the group, I’m definitely the brutally honest one, so I’ve had my fair share of hurt feelings or being too blunt or over sharing. On the flip side, I’m always the most loyal person. I’m always there when needed, I listen and give advice when asked, I’m constantly treating when you don’t have it, and I’m always forgiving when they’ve realized what a shitty friend they’ve been. 

But just like your standards change for relationships as you get older, learn from your mistakes, and know what you want. Friendships that are draining, tend to be one sided or just overall negative also get the boot. I don’t have the time or energy for anything half assed in my life. For half ass effort, half ass love, half ass good dick (lol). But seriously! Whatever the relationship, it isn’t worth my (or your) sanity nor does it deserve my time and effort if it isn’t being reciprocated. If it’s only being reciprocated when they need something, regardless of how small it is. They could just want you to lend an ear, when THEY NEED it. Not today satan 🗣 

Im still trying to find my own inner peace and love myself. I’m not at a point in my life, or strong enough, when I can just brush that shit off and keep it pushing, not letting it emotionally drain me. So it’s best to let go and focus on a healthier me. As the saying goes, “what’s for me, will always be for me.”

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