I was recently told by a guy, that I had an “icebox where my heart used to be” (pun intended), which is why I come off as being dominant or unemotional in relationships. Obviously, I corrected him. I let him know the only reason I’m as dominate as I am, is because I’ve always dealt with weak ass boys, so I don’t have the luxury to be the “woman” in the relationship. I don’t get to have weak moments or be submissive, because I’m the foundation for the entire relationship. If I crumble, my partner would surely lose their shit.
I feel like the act of submission is simultaneously with feeling protected. Once I feel emotionally and financially protected by the person I’m with, the act of being submissive isn’t even a thought and/or process, but natural progression in the relationship. When you truly feel like the person you’re with has your best interests at heart, and are financially sound, it’s a lot easier to release the reigns and allow him to be the “man” in the relationship. On the flip side, if you’re in a relationship where financial issues are constantly knocking on your door, or there’s a lot of emotional distress, who wouldn’t feel like they have to keep their guard up. If you’re constantly, as a woman, needing to pick up the slack for your man. Me personally, wouldn’t think that’s a person I could submit to or allow to lead this relationship.
I’ve also had this conversation with my sister, but at the race level. Some black men I’ve had conversations with feel as if black women aren’t submissive enough, feminine, nor do they let a man be a man. Apparently the reasons “lots” are single and unmarried 🙄 . With that being said, you then have to think about the background of that woman. There’s an overwhelming amount of black families missing the father figure, so you see your mom taking on the role of mom/dad. I also read that a little over 60% of black women will have been molested by a family friend or relative by the age of 18. So you see your mom working tirelessly just to keep a roof over your head, you knows she not putting up with any nonsense, so it’s kind of a domino affect. That in itself should breed a strong a woman.
Playing devils advocate, it also seems as if black women can be submissive and feminine and all things girly … just when it’s not with a black man 🤷🏾♀️ . From my own personal experience, I’ve never dated a black man who really had his shit altogether. Of course, it depends on the age as well, but as I’ve been adulting on my own since I was 19, I would routinely give passes with the excuse “were young.” Now as a 30 year old woman, looking at my dating pool, not a lot of the black men are where I’m at in life. Some are still chasing unrealistic dreams, others may have a few of the necessities we should all have at this age, but still extremely lacking, while some blame everyone for everything wrong. The white guys on the other hand .. have cars, long term jobs and/or careers, if they’re not room mating, they definitely aren’t at home with their mom. Just looking at the differences in my dating pool, I’m instantly aware of what type of woman I get to be.
Moral of the story .. stop being a little bitch and man up 🤪